Blog for what?

I tried, but to no avail. Earning money through advertisements on blogs doesn't work for me. It has been months now since I placed Google ads and Nuffang on my blog, but i haven't earned any cents due to low traffic.

What in the world has blogging become? For money or for interest of blogging. With the recent increase of bloggers over the whole world, I came to realize that it is the former; as bloggers are constantly trying to get traffic and to the extent of blogging nonsense stuff.

Having blogged for more than 4 years; since year 2004, I always thought blogs are meant to be personal and filled with personal things like their mundane lives and daily rantings or such, but recent blogs i visited are full of "copies" and "non-originals".

Blogging had been degraded into such a state where bloggers blog just to capture attention and to increase their traffic. what's worse is that blogger giants like Xiaxue and Dawn yang had begun to defame and sue each other over trivial matters; like who is prettier and who's more of a hobbit or who's more plastic. Blogger Fragrant Prince was brought to task for his racist stunt.

Not that i deny i tried doing so; which i never did? Post rubbish? No way!!! Seriously!!! But I just came to my senses, that it should be time to get back to blog about my own life again. At the same time, I believe that bloggers should have the rights to blog what ever they want to blog, after all, a blog is just an online diary. No? As long as the materials doesn't crash/collide with the blogger's country Laws, constitutions and statutes; i.e racism.

So, why did I blog? My goal/resolution for blogging since day one (05 Apr 2004), was that I would be able to read my past experience when I grow old and wrinkled and to remind myself, how much I have changed since then. I would hold onto that resolution. I always love to write, maybe an autobiography or complile my blog into a book; like the Diary of Anne Frank. (:

A Wave of Unexplainable Emotions

All curled up in bed like a baby, it was late into the night. I was laying there, trying to fall asleep, when a wave of emotions swept through me and tears began welling in my eyes. It was unexplainable. I wasn't sad, I wasn't depressed, I wasn't angry. I was just being myself, in that very mood-less state...

As the tears built up, I was put on this expressway of thoughts and emotions, searching for a reason why I suddenly became like this. What was it that caused this emotional tidal wave? I need to know.

There were many options, many scenes that were brought back in to memory as I went through the library of past events in my head. Many things in the past, does not bother me anymore. Unhappy things that happened, like stresses during work, quarrels, people problems, do not mean anything to me anymore. Why? Why this sudden rush of emptiness?

Then I thought about the chain of event which happened more recently, and remembered the exchange of SMS-es with a certain someone whose choice of words wasn't very pleasant; who didn't see my point and thought I couldn't play, made feel even worse. I begun to wonder, what have I been playing thus far?

I am perplexed, confused, cornered, stuck, frustrated, irritated, not satisfied, unfulfilled, very disappointed, disillusioned. Its all coming at me.... every-thing's a blur......

Someone call SOS for me.... I'm sinking... sinking into a bottomless pit, into the Dark Hole..... I can't get out... I'm wallowing in that place where I can't pick myself up..... What happened? AAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa......................

As I stood at the crossroad of thoughts, I asked myself, "Did I choose the right path? or should I just accept my fate". I am tired. 我真的很累.

feelings shows...